Discussion Topic- 13 Reasons Why
- AmandaWamsley
- Jun 28, 2020
- 5 min read
So recently I have been watching the Netflix Original Series- 13 Reasons Why again. It has lead to some amazing conversations with my teenager/pre-teen and helped me to drastically open lines of communication regarding some hard subjects in our world today. Unfortunately, the show is under a lot of fire for it's content and has been for some time. Some are fighting for the show to be removed completely. Others have managed to have the show significantly censored. This is after extensive trigger warnings, lots of messages about where to find help, and an explanation of why the show was created. So let me pose the question to all of you: Should we have shows like this? Shows that bring attention to hard topics such as suicide, sexual assault, drug abuse, bullying, and domestic violence. Or is this to much of a trigger and needs to be censored/removed?
I view this show as a great tool. Is it something that I want my children watching alone? With no discussion? Are these topics I want my children learning about with their friends instead of me? Absolutely not. However, my children have watched this show with me. We have had hours long conversations regarding some very hard topics. Most importantly, I was able to show my children that they COULD talk to me about these issues. I was able to educate them about mental health. We talked about sexual assault, abuse, addictions, and various other topics. We talked about how to ask for help. How to identify warning signs that they may need help. Plus many other great topics. I was able to help create a relevant, safe, non-threatening environment for them to discuss these things with me. We have watched this series multiple times over. I have found this aspect of the show to be invaluable. In a lot of ways, this show made these topics real for them. It was no longer a bunch of abstract concepts they really couldn't identify with. It was an experience that we processed through and talked about. I provided tangible examples of situations that could happen. It created a logical series of events to show how complex situations develop from a series of small actions.
13 Reasons Why helped me show my children that our behaviors always have consequences. Some are good. Some are not. It helped me teach my kids that we effect other people. We impact other peoples lives. I was able to speak to my children about being kind. Being empathetic. Treat others as you want/need to be treated. All in a "fictional setting" that allowed my children to keep a separation of self and subject to avoid strong personal trauma. They still have an emotional reaction to the subjects. It has made an impact. However, the impact was made in a way that my children could handle and process with help. I have found these aspects of the show to be invaluable and will continue to use them as my younger children grow older. As long as the show is available, it is a great resource for creating those teaching moments.
This is the whole reason the show was created. This is explained in the Introduction of the series right before the first episode plays. In a scene where the cast members introduce themselves and the characters they play. Specifically, the reason for the show is stated as:
"13 Reasons Why is a fictional series that tackles tough, real-world issues, taking a look at sexual assault, substance abuse, suicide, and more. By shedding a light on these difficult topics, we hope our show can help viewers start a conversation. But if you are struggling with these issues yourself, this series may not be right for you, or you may want to watch it with a trusted adult. And if you ever feel you need someone to talk with, reach out to a parent, a friend, a school counselor, or an adult you trust, call a local helpline, or go to 13ReasonsWhy.info. Because the minute you start talking about it, it gets easier."
With all that being said, I do understand some of what others are saying. From what I can tell, there are some valid arguments for removing it too. One argument is that our children are watching this and may not be getting the extra support needed to process such difficult topics. Another argument is that this show serves as a trigger for those that have been touched by these horrible events in their personal lives. My children have told me about other kids in the schools that have turned 13 Reasons Why into another bullying tactic to use against each other. All of these are very valid points in my opinion. I can understand why others are arguing to have the show severely restricted or removed.
However, I also believe that there is a lot of avoidance to these topics because they make us uncomfortable. We don't want to talk about them. We don't want to see addiction as anything other than poor choices. We don't want to believe that mental health issues are real things. We don't want to discuss sexual assault. It is easier to hide from these subjects. Especially if we don't know HOW to talk about them or if we feel like there is nothing we can do. We don't like the unknown and we run from change. That's just a part of human nature. Some are better than others, but it is always there. Some fear that exposing our children to these topics may make them sick, or suicidal, or addicted to drugs. Stigma is very real. Even in our society today. The problem with this is that it perpetuates fear and ignorance in my opinion.
First, lets confront the inaccuracies head on. Some fear that exposing our children to these topics may make them sick, or suicidal, or addicted to drugs. According to the National Institute of Mental Health;
" Findings suggest acknowledging and talking about suicide may in fact reduce rather than increase suicidal thoughts." (cited from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2019/suicide-how-you-can-make-a-difference.shtml)
This is huge. Scientific studies preliminary findings are showing that we may be able to DECREASE rates of suicide by TALKING openly and honestly about it. Logically, it is reasonable to assume that this principal applies to other areas discussed in this show too. However, I am not aware of any recent scientific studies that have shown this reliably in a valid study. Another point, by creating fear around these topics, running, hiding, avoiding, wearing our "rose tinted glasses," we can actually be making the problem worse. Increasing the amount of isolation that an individual struggling experiences.
So where does that leave us? Personally, I believe that we need to find a balance for this show. Find a way to censor content from our children but make it available as needed. We need to be personally aware of our triggers and needs. As adults, we can avoid this show if it is not right for us. Finally, we need to be parents. We should be talking to our children. Monitoring what they are watching. Helping them process if they need it and talking to them about hard topics even if they don't necessarily "need" it. We should be finding ways to talk to our children that they will accept, even partially. If we are doing these things, if we are making an effort, if we are aware, then I see no reason why this show needs to be removed or severely restricted. The show isn't the inherent problem. It's just easier to blame the show because we are already uncomfortable with it and everything it represents.
*** For anyone struggling please know that there is help available. I am always willing to listen or talk with you if you would like to reach out. Other resources can be found at:
- 13ReasonsWhy.Info ***
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